I mean, who isn’t excited for the reboot? Am I right? That being said, when you rewatch the original some things are definitely out dated…oops. So who are you? Carrie? Miranda? Charlotte? Samantha? Is it too cliche to say that I think I’m a little bit of all four? I mean, Carrie for the obvious reasons, writing and an overall love for life and friendships. I’m also a hard worker and very independent, and when I get bored I have to busy myself, just like Miranda. I’m probably the least like Charlotte, but she does have organization on her side, and she is a generally positive person. And then there’s Samantha…she’ll surely be missed in the new season. So in memory of Samantha, here’s a story for you.
It all started two weeks ago when I received an Instagram message from an unlikely source. I hadn’t seen Connor in almost five years. We were actually in a University German language class together, and though we had been buddies in the class, we never actually spent any time together off campus. “Are you in Germany?” I responded, “Yes!”. “You don’t say…want to meet up?” “Sure!” And that was that. Two weeks later I found myself on a train heading a couple hours South to Cologne for the weekend. Connor had already stated how excited he was for me to visit. He hasn’t seen anyone from home since he moved to Germany three years ago. I’m sure he can thank Covid for that… When we were in school he had a German girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure he moved to Germany for her. However, she was no where to be found on his social media…intriguing. I had no idea what to expect from the weekend, and I would say what happened was a little bit unexpected.
My train was late getting into the city, but I was still able to check into my Airbnb early and change before Connor came a knocking. As soon as he came in the door he wrapped his arms around be in a large bear hug and let out a little scream as he spun me around. Damn, I forgot that he is so tall. I’m also not sure we had ever hugged before, but it was nice nevertheless. I soon found out that physcial touch is kinda his thing, it’s definitely not mine, but it was nice to mix things up for a couple days. We wandered around the city and he showed me his favourite spots. We got the best falafels in town for lunch, before sitting down and enjoying cappuccinos outside the most adorable cafe. As we sat there on the little wooden bench, we talked more about our lives than we probably ever had. I mean, we had five years to catch up on afterall. He told me about his job, and how things ended with his girlfriend after the first lockdown. It’s one thing to move across the world for someone, it’s a whole other thing to stay in their city when it doesn’t work out.
After we finished our coffees we headed back to his apartment. He gave me the whole tour. He lived in the penthouse flat with four other roommates, but there was more than enough room for all of them. The apartment has a wonderful view of the Belgium quarter from the terrace, the only downside is that it is up 200 stairs, and there is no lift. Guess I’ll be getting a good work out in over the next few days. We hung out for a while longer before Connor really delve into what I’m sure he had been waiting all day to talk about. The party he was throwing in my honour the following night. I wish I could put into words exactly how excited he was about this, it was a bit ridiculous, but also kind of endearing. I also learned just how serious he was about party planning. He went on to explain to me the playlists he created for each party level, and the importance of a theme. I mentioned that maybe because it was almost Christmas, that that may be enough for the foundation of the party. Pretty soon “Crunkmas” was born.
Once again we were wandering the streets of Cologne, only this time all the lights shone against the black sky. We headed back to the Christmas tree stand we had seen earlier in the day in the square by the church, and we picked out a small Charlie Brown tree of sorts. Then we headed to the corner market for some decorations, ie: small bottles of liquor. How else would we celebrate “Crunkmas”? Now we just needed the pot…Connor’s roommate hooked us up with her dealer. We listened to Christmas music as we tied string on each and every bottle and joint in the place, and we hung them on our tree. It was almost wholesome. After the decorating we watch Jim Carrey’s Grinch, as you do when you’re having a festive evening. I caught Connor watching me, more than once as the movie played. Eventually I became quite chilled and moved to the couch so we could share a blanket. We played a bit of footsies, so you could say I was a bit surprised when he basically kicked me out of the apartment after the Grinch’s heart had grown three sizes.
“We both seem very tired,” he said. Which was true, but it was also only 9pm…odd…I saw this going a bit differently. He gave me a hug before sending me out the door and down the ridiculous amount of steps. I continued to be confused as I stopped by Aldi to pick up some food for dinner, and I headed back to my Airbnb. I had a lovely evening with my snacks, Netflix and my vibrator. The strangeness of my goodbye with Connor faded, that is, until he started flirting with me over text…? You know that meme with the guy who makes the “wtf face” and all the question marks appear? That was me in this moment. But whatever, clearly he’s just odd. Or maybe he doesn’t want to do anything to ruin our “friendship,” whatever that means. Anyway, it took me a little while to fall asleep due to the party happening next door, but eventually I fell into a deep sleep.
I woke up to my alarm clock at 10:30am, I was still groggy but I did feel somewhat rested and refreshed. Connor had to work in the morning and early afternoon, so I had a nice, easy morning to myself. By 1:00pm I thought I had better get my day started. I headed over to a Covid testing centre near me, Connor was making everyone get tested before the party, which is actually pretty cool. Of course, my test came back negative, so I was all good to go. After the testing centre I walked across town to a large hardware store of sorts, Connor had sent me on a mission for red lightbulbs, he felt like they would really add to one of those party “levels” I was telling you about. And he told me that I couldn’t steal them from the bar down the street like I suggested yesterday. Connor proceeded to text and call me constantly in the afternoon, even while he was at work, so by the time he was off he seemed desperate to hang out.
Before meeting up with Connor I decided to change. I brought back that outfit from the other night in the club. Do you remember the one? Tight, black, lace bodysuit, skinny jeans, and a sheer button down top. Obviously it’s a tad cold outside to walk around just like that, so I put a grey sweater over my shirt, pulling the collar out and a necklace on too. Now I looked a bit like a librarian, but you know that the sexy librarian will be coming out later on. I met Connor at the liquor store so I could help him carry a couple cases of beer back to his apartment and up those 200 stairs…wow…I’m such a great friend. I was so warm by the time we got to the penthouse that my sweater came off earlier than expected. I helped Connor clean up and move the furniture to how he imagined the layout to be. Seriously, I thought I was the guest of honour, am I a host now too?! I even washed the dishes and made his bed. How did I end up with these wifely duties? I would honestly like to know.
When Connor was finally happy with the look and feel of the apartment, we went outside for a smoke break. I needed it after all his stressing! Sheesh! I think I had one puff of my cigarette before he wrapped his arms around me in another one of his infamous bear hugs. “I’m so glad you’re here” he said. Okay then. Connor left me in his apartment while he went to get a haircut, and I soon found myself hiding in his bedroom. One of his roommates is a divorced mom and her three children were over at the flat for dinner. They were cute the previous night while we were all watching the Grinch, but now I hate them. They won’t stop screaming “John Cena” and jumping on all the furniture. Sometimes I think, aw kids are cute. And then I spend time with annoying children, and I regret it all. This was one of those moments. The perfect kind of birth control.
Boy, can a haircut make a difference or what?! I hadn’t really been attracted to Connor until the moment he walked into the bedroom. I mean, he always had the height going for him, but he also kinda looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Well not anymore. He handed me a lint roller and asked me to help him with the backside of his black jeans. The electicity between us began to grow. Connor owed me a drink from the night before because he had gotten some fact wrong, but instead I made him take a shot of Jagger with me, because he can’t stand it and this seemed like payment enough. I had finished the bottle of Jagger before the party had even started. And the roommate with the weed connection made us all Gluhwein, with oranges, so that was nice. The door bell began to ring at around 9pm, and people were buzzed in for the next couple hours or so. Connor wanted me to meet all his friends, and so I did. I really hit it off with this one girl, Lisa, and her American boyfriend, Max. Then there was Connor’s best friend, and his boyfriend. Felix was another very lovely German I had the pleasure of meeting. And then there was a bitch and an annoying chick, everyone was relieved when they left after a couple hours.
I was at least three gin & tonics, and a beer in when we moved into party “level 2” at around 1:00am. This is also around the time when the cops came by…everything ended up being fine, there had just been a noise complaint. Nevertheless, you could find Lisa and I hiding in the bathroom. Then came the tree shots, and everyone drank or smoked something from the “Crunkmas” tree. The Fireball was quite popular for the Canadians and Americans, as it’s not a very easy drink to come by in Germany. It’s not my favourite, but definitely makes me think of Winter in Canada. At one point I was suddenly overcome with nausea, and I quickly went outside. I may have puked off the terrace…I hope there was no one below…but that still did not stop me from drinking more, and I had a quick smoke before returning so that the only evidence was already over the railing’s edge. Soon the music pace quickened even more, and the red lightbulbs were swapped in. We all danced to German techno music, and started to just smoke inside instead of the balcony. Everything was acceptable at this point. Everything.
I watched Connor come out of the locked bedroom with a few of his friends. He had already told me what happens in there, drugs. They probably finished off the shrooms and they don’t want to share. But that wasn’t the only thing, they also came out with a bag of pills. Ecstasy. So, it was 4:00am, and I was sitting next to Connor’s gay bffs and their play thing, not my words, beside them were two lesbians and then came a girl who I’m pretty sure was hoping to get it on with Connor but he seemed less than interested. Oh yeah, and then there was a couple dry humping on the dance floor. Though they soon disappeared. I put the small blue pill on my tongue and swallowed. I think we all learned a lesson from Connor that night, don’t fucking chew ecstasy. He was tripping, hard. He started petting my legs, and rubbing his face on my lap. I guess he thinks he’s a cat now. When someone told him to dance, he danced. But not for too long, because he had to come back to hold my feet. The rest of us were totally fine, like obviously we felt good because of the ecstasy, but we could still function with some sort of normalcy. Or maybe that was all part of the illusion.
Then Connor grabbed my faced and kissed me, with tongue. As he pulled away I watched the last straight girl leave out of the corner of my eye. I suppose she finally knew she wouldn’t get any action tonight, or rather, this morning. Then I felt eyes on me and I turned towards his friends, “How do you feel? You just kissed?! Do you have second hand embarrassment?” They said through giggles. I stuck out my thumb and pointer finger to illustrate, “a bit” I replied. But I also couldn’t lie to myself, and admit that it didn’t feel good. Another 30min went by or so, and the gays said they were going to head home. They made sure I was totally comfortable though, it was so cute, and I really appreciated it. They were like, “Are you sure we can leave you alone with Connor? If you’re uncomfortable we can stay.” I assured them that I was okay. Connor had stopped with the petting anyway. They hugged me goodbye, and with their last look of concern they said, “Okay, take care of Connor” and they left. I’m pretty sure they knew I would…
Connor pulled me back to the living room, and we danced under the red light district lights. He grabbed my ass and we started heavily making out, and before long I undid his pants and knelt down. He definitely enjoyed that, maybe a little too much, because he leaned on the table behind him for support…CRASH! The table tipped over and everything on it went along with it, including Connor. When I looked down there was glass and blood everywhere. A large piece of a cup was sticking out of Connor’s left hand. Because of the loud crash, one of his roommates came rushing out of her bedroom. Dick still out, Connor quickly gets up and hurries to cover himself up. Thankfully I was still pretty well clothed, apart from the sheer top. His roommate, and sixth year medical student, removes the glass and ties a tea towel around his hand. Connor says he feels nothing, but surely those are the drugs talking. His roommate encourages him to go the hospital in the morning. I mean, it is already morning, so later in the morning I guess.
Connor pulled me into his bedroom and throws me on the bed. It was quite a long process of getting undressed, but it was definitely worth it, and the ecstasy made everything feel fantastic the whole way through. I would like to say, don’t do drugs, but I also have to recommend fucking on ecstasy. We fucked, kissed, talked dirty and cuddled until the sun came up. We dozed off for a couple hours, before waking up in a bed covered in blood. Oops…guess we better head to the hospital. Connor was now hungover, and feeling the pain of the cut on his hand, so I had to find a hospital and get us there even though he has lived in this city for two years. As I sat with him in the emergency room waiting area, he just looked like a sad puppy dog. If yesterday he was Shaggy, now he is Scooby Doo. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.
It seemed like he was going to be a while, so I had to head back to my Airbnb to pack up and check out, and also wash off the blood that was now dried on my arms, legs, and abdomen. Thank goodness I had that grey sweater to cover up. I hadn’t heard from Connor so I headed back to the hospital. The nurse told me that he was still with the doctor, so I waited. When he finally emerged from the the sliding doors, three hours after I had originally taken him there, the look of relief when he saw that I was still there was unmistakable. He grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. He immediately sat down on the curb and ripped off his mask. I rubbed his head and gave him water, and that was enough for him to mutter, “I love you” under his breath. I knew he was feeling better when he looked up at me and said, “Do you know what the Germans call MDMA? Molly.”
He held my hand as we walked back through the park towards his apartment. At one point he stopped walking and turned to me, “I just wanted to say that it is really fucking nice to hold someone’s hand”. When we finally made it up those god-forsaken stairs, I grabbed my lace jumpsuit and other shirt that I had left in his apartment. I also looked for my earrings which I had somehow lost…somehow… Three though, that seems like a lot, and then I couldn’t even find them! They had been my favouite, two little silver circles, and a small gold flower that I had gotten in England. Oh well, totally worth it. Connor kissed me goodbye and I put him to bed before I descended the 200 stairs for the last time this weekend. I fell asleep on the train ride back home, makes sense since I had barely slept in the last 48 hours. By the time I got back I had an unopened text waiting for me, it read, “Thank you so much for visiting! Feel free to come back any time. Sorry that it had to end quite how it did. Thank you for caring for me.”
Just A Small Town Girl 