This was the first wedding I was invited to where I was actually a friend, and not invited as part of my family unit. It was the wedding of the Head Girl at the camp I worked at in the summers all through highschool. My friend Dono and I were the only camp friends invited other than the camp directors. Dono and I had been good friends for years, and naturally we decided to go to the wedding together. But maybe I should go back a bit…
At the end of the previous year, Dono’s relationship with another friend of mine from camp fizzled out. I think I should preface this by saying, I was friends with Dono long before I was friends with the ex, and there had always been something between us. Even if I couldn’t put my finger on it. New year, new possibilies, right? It was the Spring now, so we were no longer in the camp environment, and our friendship only grew stronger.
In April I took my younger sister and her best friend into the city to go shopping, but after an hour or so I was bored out of my mind. Naturally, I texted Dono. He was studying at the university nearby, and was able to come meet up with me after a presentation. When he walked into the mall it took all my strength to keep my jaw from dropping. Dono sauntered in with this perfectly fitted, grey, pinstriped suit. Damn. He looked good. Dono’s confidence and energy had always been electric, but this was definitely a few steps up from the t-shirt and shorts I was used to him wearing as the camp lifeguard. I was sad to see him change, but it was probably good that we stopped by his apartment as we went on quite the adventure that day.
Dono was so sweet, he was so great with my sister and her friend, and took us all around the city to his favourites spots. We went for a small hike in an otherwise unknown spot above a residential area, the view of the lake and the city was beautiful. We visited a small convenience store on the outskirts of town, which he claimed was the only place we could get Cherry Coke in the valley. He grabbed some 5 cent candy for us and we headed to the beach. Later in the day we decided to go to the movies. Dono wanted to see the new movie, Need for Speed, and I suppose the girls wanted to leave us alone for a bit, so they went to Frozen. The way we had driven them around town all day, it was almost like a family outing of sorts, and there was definitely a vibe. Dono bought us popcorn, and we sat as close to each other as humanly possible while still sitting in separate seats. The day finished rather uneventfully, however the butterflies in my stomach remained the whole drive home.
Flash forward to June. It’s the day of my highschool graduation. After the whole rigamarole of the ceremony, after we threw our hats in the air, after we walked out to “School’s Out Forever,” and “Don’t You Forget About Me,” (my choices of course, but I did give my classmates the illusion of a choice), after what seemed like the whole town cheering as we exited the gymnasium, we made our way out the school doors and into the courtyard garden. As I was hugged and congratulated by my family, I made eye contact with someone standing just up ahead. Dono had driven down for my graduation. Dono had spent a lot of time at my house over the years, sometimes it seemed like my mum even liked him more than me. She always had his favourite candy on hand, twizzlers, she even saved him the last piece of MY birthday cake last year. But even though he visited often enough, it meant a lot to me that he came down for this, for no other reason but to be there for me.
One month later, it was the day of the wedding. I had to drive an hour and a half to “pick him up,” in my Volkswagen of course. I put that in quotations, because Dono drove the last 45min, but in my Golf because he didn’t have a car. He was always insisting on driving when we were together, which at the time I thought was quite gentlemanly, but to this day he is the only person I have ever let drive my car.
The ceremony was quite lovely, their vows were beautiful, and there were a couple details in the ceremony that I had never seen before. For one, the bridesmaids were not only wearing different styles of dresses, but they were wearing different colours. This was also the first time I saw the blending of two people visualized through art. Both the bride and groom had a different colour of sand, which they poured into a larger vase at the same time, we all watched as the sand beautifully swirled together. All this being said, I was pretty distracted through the ceremony, both sets of camp directors were sitting in front of me, and I couldn’t help but make faces at the babies over their shoulders. This was my first experience with baby fever, holding these precious little bundles felt like nothing I had ever felt before.
There was a long break between the ceremony and the reception, and after we all grabbed some lunch, we went to some sort of hardware and tackle shop, the guys were in heaven. As we spent way more time there than necessary, Dono and I were getting pestered constantly about the fact that we came to the wedding together. I overheard the directors suggest that the only reason I spend time with Dono is because I “like-like” him. We brushed off the awkwardness created by our peers, and all headed to the reception. After dinner, I felt my heart skip a beat when I watched as Dono read so lovingly to the children sitting on his lap, but I still didn’t know how I felt about him, or what was happening between us. Maybe it was just the baby fever.
After the wedding we drove back to his building in the city, and he suggested that we take a walk through downtown to the beach, I agreed. I switched out my heels for a pair of black Converse, and we were on our way. It was a Saturday night, so the streets were hopping as we passed all the bars and clubs. As we walked I heard a few scoffs about my shoes, but then a rather drunk woman stopped us on the sidewalk, she said that she just had to tell us how good we looked together, and that she hopes one day, she could be us. Dono did look very good in his pinstriped grey suit, the one I loved so much from a few months earlier. And I was wearing my favourite dress, the dress I had worn only weeks earlier at my highschool graduation.
We kept walking. We chatted about camp, about movies and books, about hobbies and the future. And as we were chatting away on the beach boardwalk, I noticed the streetlights going off one by one behind us. The waves crashings against the rocks, and the moon reflecting on the dark blue water. It was like a movie. All of a sudden Dono stops walking, and turns to me, “Do you like me?”. I was so shocked, I didn’t even know what to say. I stumbled out a “no,” and said something about my flirty personality. As soon as I said it I could see a change in him. He immediately moved on from the subject and we walked back to my car, a little faster than before. Had I just made the biggest mistake of my short life thus far?
I moved to Europe a month later, and Dono never spoke to me again, even after years of friendship, clearly “no” was the wrong answer. And what’s even more unfortunate is that that “no” was a lie. I still regret my response, even though I know it would not have worked out. I lost a dear friend that night, and that cannot ever be replaced. From then on I decided that I would choose not to live with regrets, and instead I would just go for it. Go for what I want.
I also want to note that the inaccuracy of the timeline of my posts allows for such changes, like going from baby fever to kind of hating children….this was years in the making I assure you.
Just A Small Town Girl 